Sesshomaru's Tears and His Father's Love
by smileyjill2002
Summary: Sesshomaru is remembering his father and is missing him ever since his death. This is a revised version of Rin's Love and Sesshomaru's Tears Warning: Tearjerker!


"My Lord, what troubles you?" questioned Rin as she peered into Sesshomaru's eyes. He glanced at her briefly then quickly looked away from her and stared into space.

"Rin, it's nothing for you to worry about. Nothing is wrong," he replied to her in a fake laugh. Rin placed her left arm on Sesshomaru's shoulder as they walked along together with Oon and Uun following close behind them.

"Rin, how long has it been since you found me injured in the woods?"

"You mean when you brought me back from the dead after being attacked by wolves? It has been ten years since then," Rin recalled.

"You were such a little child in those days. You stayed by my side soon after. After all this time, you remain with me."

"My Lord, it feels right that I remain with you. I have nowhere else to be."

"Yes, but now you are a grown woman. You have the ability now to be on your own. Yet you still remain with me. Why is that?"

"I guess it is because I don't wish to leave you. I desire to walk with you. I guess I love you, Sesshomaru."

"You love me?" Sesshomaru turned his face towards her, "But why? How? How is it that you love me?"

"I love you because ever since the day we met, you were there for me. I know I was only a child back then, but even in my youth I felt you were the one for me. I love the journeys with you, I love being by your side, and you seem to have a warm smile for me. I can feel it in your eyes and your smile that you feel the same about me."

"Rin, I have never heard that to anyone nor felt that way with anyone, especially with a human. You are the first human that has ever said that to me. I don't know how to say what I feel about you because it is hard for me to express my emotions. I've never had the feelings of love and joy. Until I met you, I was always alone. The only other person I had love for at all was my own father. 900 years ago, my siblings and I were born. It was on a cold snowy night. Our young bodies huddled close to our mother's body, but her warmth seemed faded, as though her own body was succumbing to the night. It wasn't much longer after our birth that we lost our mother."

"Father did whatever he could to have all eight of us stay alive. He fed us regurgitated meat, trying to save our lives. Unfortunately, I was the lone survivor, all my brothers and sisters died, never seeing our first spring. Ever since then I was at my father's side. I grew up under his protection. He became my teacher, mentor, and best friend. He would swipe at me with his claws and growl at me with his teeth when I was bad. He would comfort me whenever I was sad for Mom and healed my wounds whenever I was injured. I guess I loved him, though I never told him that, demon males hardly ever expressed their emotions of love. It just wasn't done.

Then about 160 years ago, he happened upon a human village during a demon hunt. He met this human woman fell in love with her. She was the most attractive human in the village. One night he came upon her as an attractive young man. He swayed her and soon she accepted his love. Late into the night, she opened herself unto him and they proceeded to make love. It was then that she conceived a child with him. Several months had passed and upon a moonless night, I happened by that village. I watched as she labored and brought my brother into the world. That time I thought I could touch him or hold him, but I didn't know the woman. So I left and moved on my way. Then shortly after InuYasha was born, our father got into a fight with Ryukotsusei and was killed by the wounds he received from him. When I heard of his death, I was devastated. Everything felt out of place. Nothing was the same after that."

"Did you cry, then? When I lost both of my parents, I couldn't stop crying for months. Even now, I cry sometimes. I still miss them."

"I don't cry. I almost did back then. I remember sighing heavily. There did come a point where I felt like I just wanted to grieve every tear out of my eyes, but I never did. I just pulled myself together and tried to use that feeling as fuel to fight harder. I used the sadness to fight against my half demon half-brother, InuYasha."

"Why do you fight your brother, Sesshomaru? You say you want him dead, but what makes you feel that desire. Do you really hate your brother that much to want to kill him?"

"Maybe it's not so much that I hate him, maybe I envy him. He had a mother to care for him. He knew her longer than I knew mine. It might be that he got the sword I had longed for from our father. I thought he promised me Tetsusaiga. I was going to fight off my enemies with that sword, as well as a way for me to have his support. It was almost like having him around again. Maybe it was because 60 years ago InuYasha fell in love with a human, just like our father did. It was said that she was a powerful woman at that, a priestess to be accurate. Then 10 years ago he fell in love again, with that Kagome-girl. How does he, a half-demon, find love like that and me a full demon cannot? Love with humans, especially women, has eluded me until I met you. I couldn't express it as freely as he can. So I began to hate humans instead."

Sesshomaru looked back into Rin's eyes. "But my Lord, I love you." Tears poured down her cheeks. "I feel bad for you, having to go through all of this pain of being orphaned. For this I shall never leave you. I love you, Sesshomaru, always." She hugged him as tight as she could, kissing him on his quivering lips.

Feeling his pain in her own heart, she looked to Sesshomaru's servant. "Say, Master Jaken, could you take Oon and Uun further into this forest?" she whispered to the little toad demon, "the lord and I wish to be alone." He nodded to her without saying a word. She proceeded to a soft patch underneath the shade of a cherry-blossom tree. She took Sesshomaru's fur and laid it up against the tree. She rested herself against the ground and used the fur for comfort. She sat upon her feet, letting the skirt of her kimono drift across the ground. She ushered to the dog demon to sit with her under the shade.

"What are you doing? Why did you want to be alone with me? Do you think that I need to have you prepare a spot for me?" He hesitated to sit with her and refused to follow her lead.

"Sesshomaru, please rest your head upon my shoulders. Come on, with all the pain that your heart is burdened with, you need to rest here. How are we going to continue on this journey if you have to carry that weight?"

"I don't cry. I don't need to do this. I'm fine. I don't need you to comfort me. I'm not a little puppy; I'm a grown dog-demon."

"Don't be so stubborn. I'm not going to hurt you; you're in enough pain as it is. Please just rest your head on me. Let me comfort you, because I know how it is to feel like you have lost everything that matters." Rin ushered the poor dog demon to the ground. She held his body close to hers, allowing his head to rest upon her shoulders. She knelt with him, with her arms encircling his body.

"But, Rin, what are you doing this all for? I don't cry, I thought I told you that? I'm fine. Can't you see that? Demons just don't cry." He buried his face into the shoulder of her kimono. "But I don't need to cry, I'm not going to. I must remain strong. Why must I show a human emotion? What if other demons were to see me cry? They would think I had weakened and would think less of me. Thanks for your efforts, Rin, but I just can't do what you want."

"Nobody will think less of you. I would never think less of you. I love you, Sesshomaru. Jaken, Oon, and Uun won't think you as weak because you aren't weak. You are a very strong demon. I love watching you battle. You look like someone any father would be proud of. I have never met him, but I can see his power and strength in you. I don't know why you say you don't cry. Showing your emotions isn't a sign of weakness; instead it shows just how strong you are on the inside. I know you are a strong demon, but you need to do this. It's for your own good."

"No, I mustn't do this. I must fight the urge. I have to remain calm and collected. I just…I just…"

"Shh, it's all right. Just let it go. It's okay. Don't fight the urge; just let it happen. It's all right." Rin ran her left hand across his back in a slow circulatory motion, scratching his back with her fingernails. Her right fingers combed through the hair on his head. She kissed him on the cheeks; tasting the salty tears starting to trickle down the dog demon's face. "Just let it go. It'll be all right." Her whispers caressed his ears.

"You sound just like my father. He used to say things like that whenever I felt sad. When I was still a small puppy, he would hold me against his own body with his tail. I felt safe in his embrace. He held me just like you are doing right now with your arms. He died without me saying goodbye to him. He left me Tensaiga I guess because it was like leaving his soul behind. Like his way of repairing the hole in my own heart after he left. I miss him all the time. I wish he hadn't died. If the Tensaiga is supposed to bring the dead back to life, then why can't I bring him baa…ck?" Sesshomaru felt his own heart scatter into thousands of pieces. He found the urge to cry too powerful to resist anymore. "F…father, I…I wish you were still…I want you baa…Please! I need you, Father. Aren't I still just a puppy to you? I still want to be. How I long to be your pup once again. I miss you, terribly." Sesshomaru's tears poured out over the shoulder of her kimono and pooled down her back.

In the midst of the poor dog's tears, a soft golden glow emerged from the Tensaiga and faded as quickly as it appeared. A deep bellowing breath whispered into Sesshomaru's ears. "Sesshomaru, it's going to be okay. I'm sorry for being gone for so long."

"F…father is…is that you?" Sesshomaru opened his eyes to the sound of the voice. Through the blur of his tears, he saw a gigantic shadowy figure surrounding Rin's body. The shadow faded into her, changing her voice into the deep bellowing voice Sesshomaru recognized.

"My son, I am sorry I left you so long ago. That old dragon really did me in. I knew then I wasn't long for this world. I gave you my most favorite of swords. Both you and your brother each have a piece of me with you. Tetsusaiga is the strength I gave to InuYasha because I knew he would be vulnerable without it, being both demon and human. You however have my most favorite sword. Tensaiga is the heart I gave to you. I knew you would need it for healing the sick and reviving the dead. I also gave you my swords because I loved both of you boys with all my heart."

"You loved me? You never have said that before. I thought you hated me."

"Why would you think that? After all this time you've known me, was I ever expressing my hatred of you, my son? I can never hate my own pup. I loved you from the first time I met you. You were the last pup to emerge from your mother. You were the runt of the litter. When I heard you whimper for the first time, it put tears into this old dog's eyes. I loved all of you pups. When your mother died, I knew I had to keep you alive, no matter what. I tried to keep you warm and safe against the bitter cold. But one by one you slipped away. At the end I thought you had died too. I felt the whole world was crashing to my feet. But then felt your cold wet nose press against my front feet paw pads and I realized that you were going to remain with me. I remember that spring how you used to run at me and nip at my tail. You were so cute back then. The days seemed endless. As you grew, you reminded me so much of myself in my youth. You became quite an attractive young butch. All the females seemed drawn to you. Even now you have this attractive little girl in your presence. You seem to be following my path still."

"I guess that is the way dog demons are, we are attracted to human women. You fell for InuYasha's mother like this."

"She was about this girl's age, seventeen, when I met her. She was the most attractive woman in her whole village. I wasn't even searching for a female, much less a human, to fall in love with. It just happened. When she told me that she was carrying my child, I was overjoyed. Once again I felt blessed to be father to her son. I had seen half-demons before, but I actually felt honored to have one of my own. He was such a beautiful baby, just like you were. And he is following that trait as well. Just like you said, mortal women are the most attractive to us dogs. This woman that you have now reminds me of InuYasha's mother."

Sesshomaru felt Rin's body slump against his. "Is Rin all right? Is she dead or…?"

"More like dead to the world. She's trying to regain her own soul back and trying to kick me out. It's time for me to go anyways."

"I'm going to miss you, but I'm glad I got to see you this one last time."

"Don't think I'm gone for good. The Tensaiga is the heart of me and as long as you hold on to it, you'll have me with you."

"Thank you for your time right now, Father." Sesshomaru watched as his father's shadow returned to the sword and its sheath.

"Sesshomaru, my boy, I want to thank you as well. I guess we have another thing in common, the blessings of a half-demon child."

"Rin? You mean she's?" Sesshomaru gazed at Rin, who remained asleep in his arm. Tears welled in his eyes as a smile crinkled etched across his mouth. "Oh, Rin, I can't believe this. You are giving me a… For real? This has to be a dream. The girl I restored to life after being killed by wolves? The little girl that followed me around for years and became this woman? What did I do to be honored…?" Sesshomaru held her body close to his, letting her lean up against his chest. He kissed the top of her forehead, and then gazed up into the starlit night, trying to drain the tears from his eyes.


End file.
